• a blushing crow | a crushing blow
• a half-warmed fish | a half-formed wish
• bad salad | sad ballad
• bake him away, toys! | take him away, boys!
• bat flattery | flat battery
• bedding wells | wedding bells
• belly jeans | jelly beans
• biny little tirds | tiny little birds
• bowel feast | foul beast
• cat flap | flat cap
• cattle ships and bruisers | battle ships and cruisers
• chipping the flannel on TV | flipping the channel on TV
• cop porn | popcorn
• eye ball | bye all
• fight in your race | right in your face
• fighting a liar | lighting a fire
• fission mailed | mission failed
• flutter by | butterfly
• go and shake a tower | go and take a shower
• goddies* | doggies *
• hake a tike | take a hike
• hiss and lear | listen here
• hypodemic nurdle | hypodermic needle
• I hit my bunny phone | I hit my funny bone
• I’m a damp stealer | I’m a stamp dealer
• I’m shout of the hour | I’m out of the shower
• I must mend the sail | I must send the mail
• is the bean dizzy? | is the Dean busy?
• it crawls through the fax | it falls through the cracks
• it’s roaring with pain | it’s pouring with rain
• know your blows | blow your nose
• lack of pies | pack of lies
• lead of spite | speed of light
• mad bunny | bad money
• mean as custard | keen as mustard
• my zips are lipped | my lips are zipped
• nicking your pose | picking your nose
• nosey little cook | cosy little nook
• no tails | toe nails
• our queer old Dean | our dear old Queen
• our shoving leopard | our loving shepherd
• pit nicking | nit picking
• plaster man | master plan
• ready as a stock | steady as a rock
• sealing the hick | healing the sick
• soap in your hole | hope in your soul
• soul of ballad | bowl of salad
• tease my ears | ease my tears
• this is the pun fart | this is the fun part
• tons of soil | sons of toil
• wave the sails | save the whales
• we’ll have the hags flung out | we’ll have the flags hung out
• would you like a nasal hut? | would you like a hazel nut?
• you have very mad banners | you have very bad manners
• you hissed my mystery lecture | you missed my history lecture
• you’ve tasted two worms | you’ve wasted two terms

*When I was a little girl, this is what I called dogs