• a blushing crow | a crushing blow
• a half-warmed fish | a half-formed wish
• bad salad | sad ballad
• bake him away, toys! | take him away, boys!
• bat flattery | flat battery
• bedding wells | wedding bells
• belly jeans | jelly beans
• biny little tirds | tiny little birds
• bowel feast | foul beast
• cat flap | flat cap
• cattle ships and bruisers | battle ships and cruisers
• chipping the flannel on TV | flipping the channel on TV
• cop porn | popcorn
• eye ball | bye all
• fight in your race | right in your face
• fighting a liar | lighting a fire
• fission mailed | mission failed
• flutter by | butterfly
• go and shake a tower | go and take a shower
• goddies* | doggies *
• hake a tike | take a hike
• hiss and lear | listen here
• hypodemic nurdle | hypodermic needle
• I hit my bunny phone | I hit my funny bone
• I’m a damp stealer | I’m a stamp dealer
• I’m shout of the hour | I’m out of the shower
• I must mend the sail | I must send the mail
• is the bean dizzy? | is the Dean busy?
• it crawls through the fax | it falls through the cracks
• it’s roaring with pain | it’s pouring with rain
• know your blows | blow your nose
• lack of pies | pack of lies
• lead of spite | speed of light
• mad bunny | bad money
• mean as custard | keen as mustard
• my zips are lipped | my lips are zipped
• nicking your pose | picking your nose
• nosey little cook | cosy little nook
• no tails | toe nails
• our queer old Dean | our dear old Queen
• our shoving leopard | our loving shepherd
• pit nicking | nit picking
• plaster man | master plan
• ready as a stock | steady as a rock
• sealing the hick | healing the sick
• soap in your hole | hope in your soul
• soul of ballad | bowl of salad
• tease my ears | ease my tears
• this is the pun fart | this is the fun part
• tons of soil | sons of toil
• wave the sails | save the whales
• we’ll have the hags flung out | we’ll have the flags hung out
• would you like a nasal hut? | would you like a hazel nut?
• you have very mad banners | you have very bad manners
• you hissed my mystery lecture | you missed my history lecture
• you’ve tasted two worms | you’ve wasted two terms

*When I was a little girl, this is what I called dogs

some good spoonerisms...check it

* Tease my ears (Ease my tears)

* A lack of pies (A pack of lies)

* It's roaring with pain (It's pouring with rain)

*Wave the sails (Save the whales)

* Cat flap (Flat cap)

* Bad salad (Sad ballad)

* Soap in your hole (Hope in your soul)

* Mean as custard (Keen as mustard)



* Plaster man (Master plan)
* Pleating and humming (Heating and plumbing)
* Trim your snow tail (Trim your toe nails)
* Birthington's washday (Washington's Birthday)
* Trail snacks (Snail tracks)
* Bottle in front of me (Frontal Lobotomy)
* Sale of two titties (Tale of two cities)
* Rental Deceptionist (Dental Receptionist)
* Flock of bats (Block of flats)
* Chewing the doors (Doing the chores)


know your blows blow your nose
go and shake a tower go and take a shower
tease my ears ease my tears
nicking your pose picking your nose
you have very mad banners you have very bad manners
lack of pies pack of lies

it's roaring with pain it's pouring with rain
sealing the hick healing the sick
go help me sod so help me God
pit nicking nit picking

bowel feast foul beast
I'm a damp stealer I'm a stamp dealer
hypodemic nurdle hypodermic needle
wave the sails save the whales

chipping the flannel on TV flipping the channel on TV
mad bunny bad money
I'm shout of the hour I'm out of the shower
lead of spite speed of light


this is the pun fart this is the fun part
I hit my bunny phone I hit my funny bone
flutter by butterfly
bedding wells wedding bells

I must mend the sail I must send the mail
cop porn popcorn
it crawls through the fax it falls through the cracks
my zips are lipped my lips are zipped
bat flattery flat battery


would you like a nasal hut? would you like a hazel nut?
puke on coupon
belly jeans jelly beans
eye ball bye all


fight in your race right in your face
ready as a stock steady as a rock
no tails toe nails
hiss and lear listen here
soul of ballad bowl of salad

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Rules of Comedy Writing

I was recently reading "Hitchhiker", a biography of Douglas Adams, and there was a mention of John Cleese's 3 rules of comedy writing, which are:

1. NO PUNS
2. NO PUNS
3. NO PUNS

Not all that helpful, right?
However, it got me thinking that there are quite a lot of theories about what makes good comedy. For example, Norm McDonald (you know, SNL) says he hates applause because it just means you said something the audience agrees with (e.g., some political remark like "Bush sucks!") and is not really funny.
And you remember Larry David saying that he didn't want any characters on "Seinfeld" to hug or learn anything (you know, become better people). "Seinfeld", of course, was firmly rooted in a world of sitcoms where the characters are trapped (doomed!) in their own amusingly defective psyches.
NOW THEN, can anyone suggest any other rules for comedy writing?

And here's a bonus question: there is a story of Lorne Michaels (SNL once again) looking at two pots of coffee and saying "Now, which one of these coffees is freshest?" And an observer thought "He even thinks in comedic pentameter!" Can anyone come up with other ordinary ideas expressed in "comedic pentameter"?

**********************************

"Ah, what time is it? You know, this watch was sold to me by my grandfather on his deathbed."
However, here is a clear example of a funnier revision of a funny idea:
(1) One summer my mother sent my sister and myself to Europe because she needed a vacation.
(2) My mother, one summer, decided she deserved a vacation. So she called up the travel agent and got tickets to Europe. For me and my sister.

******************

Why do you laugh?

I've tought some about it and discovered that there are some main reasons why do you laugh:
1 - Because of the surprise - Most of the reason why you laugh is because the funny thing was so unexpected that you end up laughing, at least smiling.
2 - Because you get it - This is part of the surprise, the part where you get it. But i think it makes a different item because that's the reason why you laugh at intelligent jokes. Because you get it and most of the people don't. That's what makes Simpsons so hilarious.
3 - Because you can - This is more why you wouldn't laugh. If it's about black humour specially. Imagine some redneck talking all goofy, dribbling while speaking. Embarassing, huh? Yeah, but imagine now somebody telling about a redneck he talked to that talked this and that way, imitating while telling this. Hillarius stuff.

There are probably some other reason(s) why you laugh, I couldn't figure them all out. If you have any, just post it!